America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't by Stephen Colbert

By Stephen Colbert

Booklet shop country, within the background of mankind there hasn't ever been a better nation than the US. you'll say we're the number one state at being the easiest at greatness.

But as excellent as the United States is in each means, the US is damaged! And we can't alternate it simply because we're 236 years earlier the 30-day go back window. glance around--we don't make something anymore, we've mortgaged our destiny to China, and the Apologist-in-Chief is going on international excursions simply to bow earlier than overseas leaders. Worse, the L.A. 4 Seasons resort doesn't actually have a devoted cell button for the Spa. you want to dial an extension! the place did we lose our way?!

It's excessive time we restored the USA to the greatness it by no means lost!

Luckily, the USA back will singlebookedly pull this kingdom again from the edge. It beneficial properties every thing from chapters, to web page numbers, to fonts. overlaying subject's starting from healthcare ("I shudder to imagine the place we'd be with no the big variety of pharmaceuticals to regard our maladies, similar to think-shuddering" ) to the economic system ("Life is giving us lemons, and we're delivery them to the chinese language to make our lemon-flavored leadonade" ) to foodstuff ("Feel unfastened to deep fry this book-it's a wealthy resource of fiber" ), Stephen supplies the USA the dose of fact it must come again heading in the right direction.

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Platz 1 Doch auch jenseits korsettgehaltener Kurven lauern Gefahren fürs männliche Auge, wie uns die folgende Verordnung aus einer amerikanischen Kleinstadt im Bundesstaat Missouri beweist. �Es ist Frauen jedweden Alters untersagt, Hüte oder andere Kopfbedeckungen auf den öffentlichen Plätzen und Wegen von Saco zu tragen, die dazu angetan sein könnten, Kindern oder anderen furchtsamen Personen Angst sowie Tiere scheu zu machen. Community Law of Saco, Madison County, Missouri. Jetzt mal ehrlich: Wer hätte außerhalb Amerikas schon jemals von der Gemeinde Saco gehört?

Werden sie an Sonntagen zur Heirat gezwungen, was unmöglich wäre, wenn sie sich gerade zwischen Himmel und Erde befinden? Oder ist dort das Risiko beim Fallschirmspringen aus irgendeinem Grund höher als in anderen Gegenden der Welt und man fürchtet um die schnelle Dezimierung heiratsfähiger Weiblichkeit? Leider gibt es offenkundig keine auswertbaren Kommentare zu dieser Vorschrift. Aber man darf wohl davon ausgehen, dass sie von einem Mann ersonnen wurde, der in seiner Freizeit gerne Fallschirm springt.

Kind im Auto gezeugt. Autofahren ist also nicht mehr das, was es mal war, doch zuweilen hinken die Straßenverkehrsordnungen dieser Erkenntnis noch ein klitzekleines bisschen hinterher. Vor allem im Land der unbegrenzten Unmöglichkeiten hat sich in vielen Bundesstaaten eine Rechtsprechung etabliert, die an die automobile Gründerzeit erinnert. Da kommt man nicht umhin, jenen Erlass zu zitieren, den die Bäuerliche Anti-Automobil-Gesellschaft in Pennsylvania, eine Sektion der berühmten Amish people, für ihr County vor Jahren erlassen hat: �(1) Bei einer Nachtfahrt über Landstraßen müssen alle Autofahrer jede Meile anhalten, eine Leuchtrakete abfeuern und von diesem Zeitpunkt an zehn Minuten warten, damit die Straße geräumt werden kann.

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