Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

By Tucker Max

What do you do once you write a number 1 bestselling e-book approximately your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you wealthy and recognized? rejoice by means of getting extra inebriated and having insane quantities of intercourse, evidently. And beautiful quickly you've bought one other fucking publication in your hands.

Stuffed jam-packed with ridiculous tales of undesirable judgements, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes end First starts off the place i'm hoping They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit."

You already know the way ladies react to self belief, online game, and vodka, yet what occurs in case you upload cash and popularity to the combo? You get solutions to the difficult questions you've by no means considered asking:

• What's it prefer to have intercourse with a midget? What approximately midgets?

• How does it believe to get a number of requests to "fuck for charity"?

• What does it do to a guy to observe a 19-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, in order that she will have intercourse with you sooner than her dual sister does?

• At how many virgins does deflowering them cease being enjoyable and begin feeling like a job?

• whilst a lady you met 3 hours in the past makes a decision to tattoo your identify subsequent to her pussy, what's the acceptable reaction?

• are you able to X-ray a blowjob?

The solutions are within, they're absurd and hilarious, and they're the manufactured from one man's experiences:

His identify is Tucker Max, and he's nonetheless an asshole.

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Extra resources for Assholes Finish First

Sample text

I put it down only to shower and masturbate. You know how when you pine after something really badly, like a cool toy or a new car or whatever, once you get it, it’s never as good as you imagined it would be? This was the opposite. This was so much better than I could’ve ever dreamed. No possession of mine, before or since, has ever completed me the way that bullhorn did; it embodied all of the characteristics that I consider most essential to myself… and amplified them. Arguing: I was pretty good at debating with people before, but now, I had a permanent trump card.

It was like that. Except with nerds. ” The embarrassed silence was all the confirmation I needed. SlingBlade “HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAH! ” I fucking lit them up: Tucker “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??? NOTHING!! YOU’RE GOING BACK DOWN TO YOUR MUDDY GHETTO! YOU CAN’T BEAT ME! I HAVE A BULLHORN, AND YOU HAVE NOTHING, BECAUSE I AM SMART AND YOU ARE STUPID! ” They milled around for a second more, then walked back down the hill. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more like a real warrior in my life. Tucker “TENT CITY, YOUR PITIFUL ASSAULT HAS BEEN REPELLED!

He’s jus so leetle! ” That did it. Four of them got up their courage and ran up the hill. I know the one dude had just “threatened” me, but in the moment, it honestly didn’t even occur to me that they would try to get physical. These grad students had taken our relentless mocking for hours because they were pussies. I mean, pussies are pussies—it’s not just a word. When they got to the top of the hill, they saw all my friends behind us that they couldn’t see from down below, and they kinda stopped and milled around for a second, unsure of what to do.

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